The Atom Refuge
Read aloud, slowly; about fifteen minutes, seated.
Before you begin. This practice looks gently at the places we have hidden. Keep any memory you choose at a low intensity, no more than three out of ten. Do not use it alone if you have a dissociative disorder, an eating disorder, or trauma that still brings flashbacks; work with a clinician. Never practise while driving, operating anything, or in or near water.
How to return at any moment. Open your eyes, feel your full size in the chair, and say the date aloud.
Let the breath slow.
Recall, lightly, a situation you once fled from. Not the worst one. A small battle. Notice it from a distance, as if across a field.
Now a moment comes when the pursuit pauses. No one is looking.
Let your sense of your body grow gently smaller. Not frightening; easy. Smaller, until you are a single bright mote in a shaft of sunlight, and you can slip inside the mote as a bee slips into a lotus.
Inside, there is rest. Notice how quickly it comes.
And notice what you built there. A room, perhaps. A house. A city of habits. A whole country of ways of living. Feel its comfort; it served you. And notice, without judging, the first stirring of a wish for more of it.
Now look along the generations. How long has this refuge lasted? Who taught you to hide here, and whom have you taught? Which roles were born inside it and handed on?
You do not have to dismantle anything. Only see it.
Now let the body image grow again, gently, back to its true size, larger than the mote, larger than the room, until the atom is once more a glint in a sunbeam, small, held within your awareness.
(Silence: one minute.)
Feel your full size now: the length of the legs, the width of the shoulders, the weight on the seat.
One. The breath full.
Two. Hands and feet your own, at their true size.
Three. Sounds of the room.
Four. Stretch.
Five. Eyes open. Fully alert.
Say your name, today's date and where you are. Name three things you can see. Name one thing you no longer need to hide from. If you feel small or far away, stand, press your feet down, and count again from one to five.