Roasting the Seed
Read aloud, slowly; about fifteen minutes, seated.
Before you begin. This practice looks at the pattern of wanting beneath a life. It is not for use alone during a depressive episode, if you have thoughts of not wanting to live, or if you have an eating disorder; bring it to a clinician instead. Never practise while driving, operating anything, or in or near water.
How to return at any moment. Open your eyes, feet on the floor, and say aloud the date and where you are.
Let the breath slow.
Go through the senses one at a time. The eyes: what have they chased? Let one picture come, and notice what it left behind. The ears: what have they chased? The nose, the tongue, the skin. For each, one memory, and what remained after it.
Now, quietly, inside: yes. Or Om. A small assent to look further.
See the shape of your life as a great tree. Its branches are the situations you live in. Its long filaments are your desires, reaching. Its roots are the senses, drinking. Let it be large.
Follow the trunk down, slowly, below the roots, into the ground, to a single particle. A seed. Inside it, the words that grew all this: I want. I am this. You need not change it. Only see it.
Now hold the seed in a steady warmth, the warmth of understanding. Not a blaze; an even heat, like grain roasting. Feel it dry. Feel it lose the power to sprout. It is still there. It will not grow again.
Where the tree stood, there is open ground. Rest in it without any picture.
(Silence: one to two minutes.)
Now come back, which the sky-dweller in the story did not do. You are going to return fully.
Breathe in more deeply. Feel the weight of the body and the seat beneath it. Move the fingers and the feet.
One. The breath is full.
Two. The hands and feet are warm and your own.
Three. The room's sounds return.
Four. Stretch the arms and shoulders.
Five. Eyes open. Fully alert.
Say your name, the day and the place. Name three things you can see. Name one desire that feels lighter now. If you feel slow or far away, count again from one to five, stand, walk, and drink some water.