A Thousand Mothers: the Widened Frame
Twenty minutes. Best with a guide; it can be read aloud to oneself.
Before you begin. This practice is for grief that has been felt and is now stuck, not for the first raw weeks. If you have thoughts of ending your life, or of following the person you have lost, stop here and speak to a clinician or a crisis line today. If you have a dissociative disorder or a history of psychosis, use it only with a clinician. The lives that may appear are images, not claims about the past. Never practise while driving.
How to return at any moment. Open your eyes, put both hands flat on your thighs, say the date aloud.
Before anything else, name the one you have lost. Name one thing you have done for them since they died. And one thing still to do. Let that be the rite. It is honoured.
Sit, and breathe. Let the grief be here, as it is. You are walking in a wood. You do not have to stop crying.
Someone comes to sit beside you. An elder, unhurried. They do not tell you to stop. They sit.
Now look at the wood. See the streams running through it, more than you can count. Each stream is a father, a mother. As many as the streams in every forest. Let them run behind you, line after line.
If images come of other lives, a stag in a flowering plain, a swan diving in a lotus pool, a tree among trees, let them come. You need not believe them or judge them. Watch them, as one watches clouds.
And ask, softly: for whom shall I lament, among so many? Let this one loss rest among the many. It is not smaller. It is held.
Now take the lamp's place. A lamp in a room at night lights everything, the chair, the photograph, the tears, and is not shaken by what it lights. Be warm. Be still. Witness.
(Silence: two minutes.)
Now let the light come up, as a landscape comes up at dawn.
Feel the ground under your feet. Feel the weight of your body. Breathe in fully.
I will count from one to five. One: the breath. Two: hands and feet. Three: the sounds of the room. Four: a deep breath, shoulders rolling. Five: eyes open, awake, here.
Say your name, the date and the place. Name the person you have lost, once more, in an ordinary voice. Drink some water. If grief comes back strongly later, that is not failure; it is grief.